Goals vs Dreams

So, I went on this date with this black kid I met on the bus named Billy. That... was an interesting date, no ice cream, just talked on the balcony, held my hand, leaned on my neck, tried to kiss me... Yeah. Ignoring those weird parts, when I would talk, he would sincerely listen to me. He asked me about my goals and aspirations, and it really got me thinking. I know I'm going into Special Education, it always fit, but I've really kinda sat down and thought out what my dreams are and what my goals are (2 very different things). "Dreams can inspire you, but goals can change your life."
Well, my goal is to be a high school special education teacher. Logically, it is hard to explain a dream, since it is more than desire that is driving you. For me, it was thrown out to me as an option, and the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to fit me. God gave me the gift of charity, and I have always been able to sincerely love those who struggle to be accepted in this world. I want to inspire people, always have always will. I can connect with people, listen to them and see their perspectives. And I am tough. Maybe not as the world sees it but I can take care of myself, and that is mandatory for this job. It is uncommon if a Special Needs teacher doesn't end up in the ICU at the hospital a few times every few years. It may sound like a sweet, innocent job, and it definitely has its rewards. However, you cannot be a sappy emotional girl when dealing with mentally handicapped kids, who are more often then not much bigger and much stronger than you. I've always wanted to teach, "when you can't do, teach," right? Nah, I really just feel like I could go home every day and know that I helped make a difference in the world, even if it is forgotten tomorrow. Plus with my ASL mission and all, I just, I feel like I was made for this job.
Anyhow, okay, so my Dreams in a nutshell are:

• Marry my Jim Craig
• Have my own dogs/horses
• Have five kids- three boys, two girls
• Teach Special Ed kids in a high school
• Own a boat
• Get a swing
• Have a cabin
• Attempt surfing
• Drive a jeep
• Travel
• Become a phenomenal ukulele playa

My goals in a nutshell are:

• Serve an LDS mission
• Marry in the temple
• Earn my degree
• Have a family
• Work with Special Needs kids
• Serve a couple mission
• Love every enemy
• Have my boys serve God
• Die before my husband
• Reach the highest degree of glory in the Celestial kingdom
• Become like my Father

Brooke... When did cross a line?

So, for Halloween, I went down to Brooke's (even though I was going to go to the dance and try and meet up with Dane) but she said she'd hook me up with this cute kid and we could double with her and her boyfriend Jordan. So, I get down there, and it turns out that two other people were gonna come down. They apparently were just "friends"... Lie. They were most definitely a couple. So then there's two couples, and me... awesome. So we carve pumpkins, and I do my best to be a good sport and not weird about it. Yeah, ha. Funny. Afterwards, we decide to watch a movie. Haha, even better. So they start seriously looking into scary movies, and I'm convinced that I won't be able to do it. The other girls had some boy to hold on to, not the loser sittin in the corner against the wall. Finally, we settle for Ghostbusters. Ok, I can do ghostbusters. False- they start snuggling on the couch while the other two are on the beanbag doing the same thing, so I shoot brooke a text. We come up with an excuse to go outside to the cars. We get up on the deck and holds me and keeps apologizing while I struggle to keep it together. She didn't mean to. She didn't get it. Told her it wasn't on purpose, but I had to go. So much for sleepover, I was going home. So its about eleven thirty-ish and I sit in my car and call Aaron once, twice, shoot a text, call again. Nothin. I was so frustrated and upset. So I drove through the canyon around midnight, parked at McDonalds, got a fry, and called Aaron crying. He's cute, but he didn't know what to say. I didn't know what he could say. Its just lonely, and I missed him, I missed being held. Made it home around 1. Then today (Saturday, November 2) We went up for Ann's baptism. I sang, and didn't completely botch it so that was nice. But Brooke came up with Jordan. I was fine, til I looked out the window of Brooke's room and watched them. They seriously looked married with Nathan and Adam as their kids. Throwing leaves in eachother's faces, down shirts, and he was always constantly rubbing her back. She wouldn't leave his side. Psh, I wouldn't either. I am happy for her, I don't mean to sound like I'm not. Its just, difficult because now we're choosing separate paths, and right now I'm sacrificing while she's loving it. It'll swap I know, and I don't regret anything. Merely, right now its just hard to watch her and see how it could've been with me.