Can he be funny AND gorgeous?

So I have my mission call. Wrote all about that on paper, its great. So, I know that things are supposed to be hard, I kind of expected them to be, I know its bad, but I kinda hoped they would be. So that way I could sort of prove that I was going to make a difference. Of course, Satan knows this, so he's done nothing, at least that's what I can tell. But I have noticed that I have become Sooo much more moody. I get irritated easily, and I have less motivation to do something productive... this is not good. Worst of all, Aaron seems to care so much, and Clayton is the exact opposite. The guy I have wants me afterwards, and I'm not sure I feel the same. Whereas, the guy I had before is going to settle down and marry before I even get back. Super! No, it easily might not work out with him, and that's okay, the older I get, the more I realize how little I knew about him and him with me. But just to know what would've happened!! Kills me. I don't feel that way about Aaron. He's different, and we have such a fun friendship, but we just don't quite,, mesh. I'm different, and not in a bad way, but to where there could be potential problems. I can't have someone with that silent confidence, and not so big an ego. I would rather not to be the wild one in a relationship;) I need someone crazy, but can help hold me down to earth. But boy, I was star-struck with Clayton's blue eyes, and his smile, and his voice. I just hope its possible to feel that much emotion towards someone who will treasure me & respect my friendship as Aaron.... and love me back. That might be a bit much to ask for, but I don't know. Ugh, I just, wish I could have him see me before I left, so he could see me grown up. We were so cute, but it was obvious that I loved him more. I wish I could just see him and see through a newer, more sensitive and perceptive perception. Aaron is fun cuz I feel I can predict him, but I hate having to always feel like I have to prove myself to him, like I have to be on my best behavior all the time, always coming up with something new and cool and unique. With Clayton, I could just be dumb, and he'd laugh about it with me. And he knew how to sweet talk~ Aaron has no clue. I've saved both of their texts, but for different reasons. Aaron's bring back memories, Clayton's bring back emotions and feelings. Jessica Ricks. Jessica Russell. Yup, definitely the latter... sad thing is, their both gonna be gone by the time I get back. Worse, I'd only care if one was still there once I get back. Ugh, why do I miss him? Imight just miss what we had, what I felt, so they tell me. It's just been so long, it scares me to feel anything when I know that he easily might not anymore. Stupid time. Time wares on everything in Mortality. It's either always moving too fast or too slow; it can never be satisfactory. I know I'll get married; its just this in-between stuff kinda is lame. Longing hurts so much more than dreading. Sorry babe, I'm so glad no one will ever see this other than myself. I'm too dramatic. I'm sure i'll give my great-great granddaughters a run for their money. I just beg my Father in Heaven that whoever I love will love me back with a love that drenches my love for him.